Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Battering Ram

"After Soooo Long" acrylic on canvas | by Dar Freeland
images and text © 2000 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

What could be possible if we approached our inter-relating from a totally accountable perspective - setting aside our justifications (victim stories), pride & finger pointing? It is counter-intuitive to the ego, but consider, what if instead of accusing one "out there" for our unhappiness and constructing a story we lay into cement to justify the blame imposed on another - what if we could see it differently?

Assuming the observer chose to turn his blame of another person off for a second, and look back at it possible that the observer himself has created the fertile soil for the other person to feel unsafe? It doesn't feel like a place to be emotionally present and loving. Don't we see this in all relating that is derailed with conflict?

May the observer have been the one, blinded by his own pain (and human fallibility) that struck out destructively at another with such ferocity - that a person might never choose to approach the observer again with an open heart? So everyone acts numb. What right then would the observer have, to complain that another is not as warm or loving - when it is they who created the threatening environment?

Could the other person who has been holding back, stop and honor the admission with respect?

Is it possible the observer caused, with rage or destructive behavior the unstable ground the two now walk upon? Could the observer be the one who owes amends, and who needs to earn that person's trust again?

Who is the observer, and who is the other person?

And to make it juicier, how much power would the Self realize, if it chose to take responsibility for having helped to create an unsafe environment in the first place? Of course it takes two to create the dance of chaos while relating - but how empowered could we all really be once realizing that "if I helped to create it, I could take steps to amend it?" Victim story - vaporized.

If true, how powerful may it be for the observer to ask forgiveness, say, “I’m sorry, work to earn back trust? Instead of weaving justifications created from the fabrication of a victim story... then could the observer admit to a loved one, that, "I am human, I messed up and I want to earn your trust back?"

Nothing in this text suggests that a person tolerate abuse of any kind, verbal or otherwise, and that the utmost in self-care and personal responsibility is to cradle ourselves with love, and protect ourselves from those who would wish or cause us harm.

Stepping forward could the humility, coupled with the reclaiming of a sense of power in a situation - then be a foundation for building a new, more strengthened and empowered way of relating? Could another person then feel safe in being 100% open?

If one would approach an impasse with self-love, expressed with integrity and personal responsibility towards a person who may just have built a wall around their heart to protect themselves, then how could our love and mutual respect grow from that perspective?

Perhaps, even the other person's ego will step back, in the light of re-discovering the seductive yet accurate power of accountability, and would take the risk to admit how they too contributed to any breakdown or suppressed feelings of love.

What re-invention is possible from this expressed and empowered blank slate?

-- dar freeland

1 comment:

GWZdenek said...

That RESET my day!!