Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Supply and Demand


"Tuna or Ham" by Dar Freeland
images & text © 1997-2011 Dar Freeland | all rights reserved

What happens if a gas tank starts to get low and one knows it will eventually run out of whatever it uses for fuel and then it will not be able to move forward anymore? (fuel = "supply" = attention, sex, chosen anesthesia, approval, praise, winning, applause).

Does it fear? (Get angry at everything around it, because it doesn't want the world to see its shame, it's fragility, its imperfection, its vulnerability).

Does the tank do whatever it believes is necessary to fill itself up until it feels full again? (seeks more illusions, the "supply" to fill it up).

Then does it feel good for a time until it uses up the fuel, (supply = illusions, love stories, sex, distractions) then feel fear, (hopelessness at no obvious solution to fill its emptiness) then does it hate itself for being out of integrity, (wag a finger of hate and blame the world outside itself for not filling its expectations and try to cover its own self loathing and belief it is powerless).

Then does it go out and fill itself up some more? (more attention, sex, chosen anesthesia, approval, praise, winning, applause, ego by association)

Is this endless circle the answer....or the running of the engine (endless consumption of distraction, sex, anesthesia, running) until it drops from final exhaustion? Dis-ease, walking dead, death itself...samsara.

What may be possible, if the tank KNEW it would always be full from the inside out? (Faith in healing backed by action and commitment to fix what is "broken")

What would it be like, if it experienced others around it as a constant SUPPLY, (endless, loving, accepting, safe?) What if THAT kind of SUPPLY, the kind it truly deserves and has at its doorstep, does exist - and has been thrown away, over and over?

Would the tank even notice, or is it filled with fear of being empty? (exposed, judged as without value, and discarded). Love and fear cannot occupy the same space.

Isn't this where one would start looking for the inner station, and stop watching the fuel light with trepidation?

The safest place in the world, is sometimes right before our eyes. Yet we don't look up from ourselves long enough, explore it deep enough, or believe it possible enough - to allow it to be. Or maybe "empty" feels just way too comfortable to let go of.

No one but two people in Australia know what I mean, but if they ever read this, they will.

--dar freeland
faceupstudio.com

Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Secret of a Confabulation


"Two Sides of Me" by Dar Freeland
images & text © 1997-2011 Dar Freeland | all rights reserved

I discovered myself fortunate enough for someone to share a secret with me today. The friend looks deeply into the mirror each day and knows self so well, yet after a long struggle uphill, they confessed to having seen not only a funny new "love" which isn't really so....but also a hostile and confusing place called "the world out there."

The friend told me "If I go one place, I find that the people closest to me act the most intimate with me, but they do not respect me. If I go to the other place, I find that the people closest to me are kind and filled with respect for our relationship, yet they lack depth and closeness and will not be intimate." We scratched our heads. The friend continued - "is it that the people in the first place who act intimate, see me as a person they cannot respect? (and that was explored to the depths)...or is it that the people in the other place who respect me, simply don't know me?" (that too was examined)

Blank stare and some silence.

"Is it that the ones who do not respect me are blinded by a narcissistic obsession with self, and can see me only as a mirror of their own wounds - don't even really take the time to figure who I am?...and the friends who would say we are friends in the other place, could it be that they don't feel safe or worthy to open their hearts to be intimate with anyone?"

We sat in the sun for a time and breathed. Then we exhaled and did it again. We shook our heads. And we made it through one more day.

--dar freeland
faceupstudio.com

Saturday, October 17, 2009

In The Stillness, What Do You Hear?


"Lit" by Dar Freeland
images & text © 1997-2011 Dar Freeland | all rights reserved

What would I say, if the world cared to listen?
I would say, "listen."

Nothing else in this life will matter nearly as much, to us all.

--dar freeland
faceupstudio.com

Monday, October 5, 2009

A Note To Us


...a rare re-post from someone's FB page I stumbled upon. I believe it is authored by the name below it.

-- dar freeland

***********

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing?

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for LOVE, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive?

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain?

I want to know if you can sit with pain - mine or your own - without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it?

I want to know if you can be with joy - mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human?

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul?

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy?

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday?

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children?

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back?

It doesn't interest me where or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away?

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments?

--Oriah, Mountain Dreamer