Supply and Demand

"Tuna or Ham" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 1997-2011 Dar Freeland | all rights reserved

What happens if a gas tank starts to get low and one knows it will eventually run out of whatever it uses for fuel and then it will not be able to move forward anymore? (fuel = "supply" = attention, sex, chosen anesthesia, approval, praise, winning, applause).

Does it fear? (Get angry at everything around it, because it doesn't want the world to see its shame, it's fragility, its imperfection, its vulnerability).

Does the tank do whatever it believes is necessary to fill itself up until it feels full again? (seeks more illusions, the "supply" to fill it up).

Then does it feel good for a time until it uses up the fuel, (supply = illusions, love stories, sex, distractions) then feel fear, (hopelessness at no obvious solution to fill its emptiness) then does it hate itself for being out of integrity, (wag a finger of hate and blame the world outside itself for not filling its expectations and try to cover its own self loathing and belief it is powerless).

Then does it go out and fill itself up some more? (more attention, sex, chosen anesthesia, approval, praise, winning, applause, ego by association)

Is this endless circle the answer....or the running of the engine (endless consumption of distraction, sex, anesthesia, running) until it drops from final exhaustion? Dis-ease, walking dead, death itself...samsara.

What may be possible, if the tank KNEW it would always be full from the inside out? (Faith in healing backed by action and commitment to fix what is "broken")

What would it be like, if it experienced others around it as a constant SUPPLY, (endless, loving, accepting, safe?) What if THAT kind of SUPPLY, the kind it truly deserves and has at its doorstep, does exist - and has been thrown away, over and over?

Would the tank even notice, or is it filled with fear of being empty? (exposed, judged as without value, and discarded). Love and fear cannot occupy the same space.

Isn't this where one would start looking for the inner station, and stop watching the fuel light with trepidation?

The safest place in the world, is sometimes right before our eyes. Yet we don't look up from ourselves long enough, explore it deep enough, or believe it possible enough - to allow it to be. Or maybe "empty" feels just way too comfortable to let go of.

No one but two people in Australia know what I mean, but if they ever read this, they will.

--dar freeland

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