Time - Out

Face Up • The Art of Recognition • "Time - Out" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 2006 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

When it's time for me to stay, nothing can make me go. When it's time for me to go, nothing can make me stay.

- - Buddhist Saying

Fudge Days

Face Up Blahg • "Who's Happier" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 2006 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

Some days are just fudge days. All of the tools we learn, the knowledge, the wisdom of the ages....doesn't help us cope with what unfolds before us. We handle what we are served with grace to the best of our ability, then review, consider and make adjustments so we evolve to another level of our creation the next time.

Surrender. Some days are just fudge days.

--dar freeland

faceupstudio.com

Battering Ram

"After Soooo Long" acrylic on canvas | by Dar Freeland

images and text © 2000 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

What could be possible if we approached our inter-relating from a totally accountable perspective - setting aside our justifications (victim stories), pride & finger pointing? It is counter-intuitive to the ego, but consider, what if instead of accusing one "out there" for our unhappiness and constructing a story we lay into cement to justify the blame imposed on another - what if we could see it differently?

Assuming the observer chose to turn his blame of another person off for a second, and look back at Self...is it possible that the observer himself has created the fertile soil for the other person to feel unsafe? It doesn't feel like a place to be emotionally present and loving. Don't we see this in all relating that is derailed with conflict?

May the observer have been the one, blinded by his own pain (and human fallibility) that struck out destructively at another with such ferocity - that a person might never choose to approach the observer again with an open heart? So everyone acts numb. What right then would the observer have, to complain that another is not as warm or loving - when it is they who created the threatening environment?

Could the other person who has been holding back, stop and honor the admission with respect?

Is it possible the observer caused, with rage or destructive behavior the unstable ground the two now walk upon? Could the observer be the one who owes amends, and who needs to earn that person's trust again?

Who is the observer, and who is the other person?

And to make it juicier, how much power would the Self realize, if it chose to take responsibility for having helped to create an unsafe environment in the first place? Of course it takes two to create the dance of chaos while relating - but how empowered could we all really be once realizing that "if I helped to create it, I could take steps to amend it?" Victim story - vaporized.

If true, how powerful may it be for the observer to ask forgiveness, say, “I’m sorry, work to earn back trust? Instead of weaving justifications created from the fabrication of a victim story... then could the observer admit to a loved one, that, "I am human, I messed up and I want to earn your trust back?"

Nothing in this text suggests that a person tolerate abuse of any kind, verbal or otherwise, and that the utmost in self-care and personal responsibility is to cradle ourselves with love, and protect ourselves from those who would wish or cause us harm.

Stepping forward could the humility, coupled with the reclaiming of a sense of power in a situation - then be a foundation for building a new, more strengthened and empowered way of relating? Could another person then feel safe in being 100% open?

If one would approach an impasse with self-love, expressed with integrity and personal responsibility towards a person who may just have built a wall around their heart to protect themselves, then how could our love and mutual respect grow from that perspective?

Perhaps, even the other person's ego will step back, in the light of re-discovering the seductive yet accurate power of accountability, and would take the risk to admit how they too contributed to any breakdown or suppressed feelings of love.

What re-invention is possible from this expressed and empowered blank slate?

-- dar freeland

faceupstudio.com

The Art of Ever-evolving Communication Skills

"Toolbox" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 2000 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

What do we do when a person close to us just doesn’t “get it”? This includes the self to others, not just a “victim” perspective of what “others are doing to me….” When conflict arises, do we immediately get angry, personalize, feel victimized by or fall into the cesspool of blame in order to gain back control or feel bulletproof from a perceived attack?

One question to ask the self: “Is this about me at all?”

Might we consider that another’s pain one day, has nothing at all to do with us? Could it be, that it is just a challenging moment, between a person and the world however he sees it? If coming from love, can we see that the only necessary response may be “I understand, and just trust, it will get better…”

Could we also consider that perhaps what one needs from a loved one, is a skill that he/she has not yet been taught? Perhaps, he/she hasn’t had the need to learn it before now. Maybe if they/or I, had the tool, had learned how to use it we’d be more than willing to use that tool with a loving intent to bring comfort to those painful moments, instead of grasping and waving around the only tools available to us in the toolbox….

To illustrate, how does one to expect to receive the compassion he needs from those close, when compassion is not one of the tools in their toolbox? The ability to have compassion simply isn’t there. How does one expect to have stresses met with calming and neutral reassurance, when emotions and drama were the lifeblood hook of prior relationships, and one has learned to respond with “shields up, load blame, fire….” If one has never been taught, or had the need to learn – how could one reach for that tool of reassurance and use it, when it isn’t even in the box?

And really, wouldn’t we use it if we had it and knew how?

Not possessing the tool or knowing how to use it does not excuse one from being civil, especially in those difficult moments. Basic human respect is built into us, and eroded away by years of self-protection in an uncivilized family, community, country, planet….still, it is our birthright to know how to respect another, and willful misconduct if we don’t. We are seeded to have choice for it to be different.

Our potential to be kind first, will dictate how a person will react - even under the worst moments. That respect and yearning to give and receive true love is hard-wired into us, even though we may be out of practice due to environment, challenging childhoods, hateful adults, mindless behavior….

It is said that the true strength of a relationship is tested when things are challenging, not when things are fun or moving forward with ease. So we all have the personal responsibility to grow our toolbox…to fill it to overflowing with tools that empower, not break down – that say I’m sorry, not “you said…” We can stock our toolbox with tools that are driven by kindness first and join together to find solutions as team, not use the blunt force trauma of blame – and to replace hate, with love, love, love.

Our truest wealth lives here, in this understanding. Time to clean out our toolbox.

--dar freeland

faceupstudio.com

The Illusion of Illusions

"Boomerang" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 2004 - 2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

A devastating moment is here to do to itself what I think it is doing to me. It longs to be reborn to the positive truth it intended to be. Love asks to be seen. We cloud its perfection with self-authored stories and illusions to support being right, winning or crippling a perceived attack we have decided is coming our way.

I am the author of my own tragedies, comedies, dramas and decisions about "how it is" - and once I get that truth, no healing is out of my reach. I am what I say, what I think, what I declare, what I believe - these are all the tools to craft what is.

What meaning do I assign to a thing, what role do I play in my own movie and how may I rewrite it now to better serve what I say I really want?

This is how it can be, to be truly free.

--dar freeland

faceupstudio.com

Road Rage of Life

"Getting To Know You" by Dar Freeland

images & text © 2007-2011 dar freeland | all rights reserved

Who is at the wheel fighting for control right now – is it my Highest Self or my Ego self?

It is valuable to check in on this regularly. Resentment leaves clues, big obvious ones. It is usually bolstered by a firm story, and perpetuated by a string of negative emotions designed by the Ego to keep itself inflamed and justified to be in power.

We can tell we're not in our Highest place, if we are treading in a pool of resentment, fear, anger or attack...

We are all born with an Ego, and it’s our responsibility to feed and care for it with love.

The Ego thinks its only function is to protect us, and it will take us to the mat trying to do so.

Our Higher Self however – knows better, creates stronger and naturally loves with more compassion and fervor than any illusion that Ego may portray.

So, how to dethrone the Ego? It isn't with more anger...that is the Ego mirroring itself. We take back the wheel with love and compassionate action. We intercept ourselves, hold our tongues and look more closely to bust our own story. Then we move into trust and faith that our answers will come.

The first step is to recognize or admit what is happening, who is driving? Then accept it is happening, because stuff happens. What we choose to do with it is our way to peaceful co-existence with the Ego. How we perceive and spin a thing in our head, tells us – through the blessing of our feelings – who is driving.

It us up to us to empower and allow our Higher Self to take back the wheel.

Because life is a wheel.

It will always come back to our starting point.

--dar freeland

faceupstudio.com